As with everything we do, there is a process: steps or stages that we go through to get where we are going. Part of the grieving process includes anger. Anger is an emotion that often scares people. It is seen as destructive and overwhelming: which it can be. But it can also be a release in order to move forward. In Part Two of The Honest Truth I share with you some of my angry thoughts at the time of recording. I wish I could say I was not angry towards particular persons, but in all honesty I was. As a mother I was hurt and angry towards individuals, systems and circumstances that all played a part in hurting my son.
Being angry can prompt you to feel/acknowledge things that you may otherwise keep to yourself. In emotional circumstances I feel it is good to unpack how you really feel at that point in time. I use an analogy of a suitcase. If you do not take opportunities to unpack everything in the suitcase, then it can start to be too heavy to carry and even injure you. Unpacking the suitcase in the context of anger enables you to purge or throw out all those things that you might not usually say and then work though why and what it all means. Making your suitcase lighter to carry.
In the Honest Truth Part Two I express my anger about why all this had to happen to my son. In shit situations it is normal to ask why! What did they do to deserve this? In the video I said the words from my heart and my rational brain was quiet until I had finished ‘feeling’ how I felt. I knew that I could rationalize and work through pretty much all of what was making me angry, but it was important to acknowledge the key points.
Like having a good hard cry, releasing and verbalising my anger was good! Do I feel angry now? Well yes, but not in that overwhelming way. Now it feels constructive. Now I can look at what I can do, if anything, with the situations that make me angry. Not everything can be ‘fixed’. Some things are not my place to fix. Some things just need to be looked at differently. Some things are beyond doing anything about. The good thing about anger is that it should be used to promote action or change. Toxic anger that is directed at an individual or to one’s self is not good anger. Good anger leads to positive ways forward. I feel we are going forward.
For Part One of The Honest Truth, see related articles